Bmore

2006-01-31T22:49:00.000-05:00

Jonas Viada (My favorite Mimi Ferzt Artists)

2006-01-31T22:47:00.000-05:00

Cazwell's Back

2006-01-31T22:46:00.002-05:00

Amanda!

2006-01-31T22:46:00.001-05:00

Amanda!

2006-01-31T22:46:00.000-05:00

RockER

2006-01-31T22:45:00.001-05:00

Cazwell

2006-01-31T22:45:00.000-05:00

New Years Eve 2005 (Nikki & Chris)

2006-01-31T22:44:00.001-05:00

I hate Airports

2006-01-31T22:44:00.000-05:00

Oh how I miss Natty Boh

2006-01-31T22:41:00.000-05:00

Mimi Ferzt Crew

Deja Vu

2006-01-31T22:36:00.000-05:00

Patients Suffer Deja Vu ... Over and Over

Imagine suffering from chronic déjà vu. You don't even go to the doctor because you feel like you've already been there.

"We had a peculiar referral from a man who said there was no point visiting the clinic because he'd already been there, although this would have been impossible," said psychologist Chris Moulin, who runs a memory clinic at the University of Leeds in the UK.

So Moulin has started the first known study of the condition.

Déjà vu hits most of us now and then. We're struck by the sensation that we have experienced an event before, even though we can't fully remember it or perhaps know it didn't really happen. The sensation is fleeting, so researchers can't study it.

But Moulin figures chronic déjà vu sufferers offer an opportunity to do research that might unlock the secrets of the everyday variety.

The man who thinks he's been to Moulin's clinic even gave details of the visit that never occurred. He has déjà vu so bad that he doesn't watch TV news because he feels like he's seen it all before, Moulin said. Things get tricky when the man is asked to predict what's ahead, however.

"When this particular patient's wife asked what was going to happen next on a TV program he'd claimed to have already seen, he said, 'How should I know? I have a memory problem!'"

Moulin and colleagues have since found other patients, now that they know what to look for.

The condition can cause depression and is sometimes diagnosed as a state of delusion. But Moulin's team believes it to be a dysfunction of memory.

"The exciting thing about these people is that they can 'recall' specific details about an event or meeting that never actually occurred," Moulin said. "It suggests that the sensations associated with remembering are separate to the contents of memory, that there are two different systems in the brain at work."

The problem might involve a memory circuit that is overactive or stuck in the "on" position.

The researchers plan now to use brain scans in an effort to pinpoint the problem.

Missing Out

2006-01-30T22:57:00.000-05:00

I feel like I am missing out on some life altering event that might be happening right now. Or maybe missing meeting my soul mate. I'm hungry.

So Ryan makes all the interns play their iPods while we work. I made a mega 8 hour mix and Ryan loved it. He even told me he'd hook me up writing music reviews for Vice magazine. Woah! Woah! Woah!

I can't concentrate or focus right now. Did I mention I am hungry, stomach grumble growl.
G L O B A L W AR M ING. sleep

I need a nap and a haircut

2006-01-22T22:59:00.000-05:00

Baby's Cranky and living in New York City.
I am such a fucker, I am young, healthy, working in NYC with the amazing David LaChapelle and Ryan McGinley and still I'm miserable. Right.

I've been really getting into this Dostievsky short story called "Double" about this really rich guy who has a double who is trying to sabotage his life, and everyone around him acts oblivious. It is really really good and I know I am missing details because the only time I read it is while on the PATH train when I am too distracted by supressing red cheeks and panic attacks.

Sometimes I miss the simplicity of Baltimore during a time when I had so many good friends, so little stress, although I didn't realize it at the time. I miss the people, I miss the ghetto, I miss my friends, I miss the parties, the creativity. I guess sometimes you just have to move on. It is hard to find people I can trust in NYC, everyones so glossy and cool.

I really really want to start a new series but I have been so so busy between working and interning and fixing my ghetto ass baby-baby-done-me-good Blazer. U-mph. My dad is driving down to pick me up, bring me back to quiet Vernon so I can go to the dentist tomorrow and so he can frame one of the images I sold.

Splotch West is almost ready for its debut and it looks amazing. I'm so proud of how we've grown. I only wish we did better promotion, made money, and were better with updates and keeping deadlines. Its hard, cause its in our spare time and thats it, thats that.

OK, I'm gonna go clean the bathroom...

January 8th 2005

2006-01-08T10:20:00.000-05:00

"Woah Woah Woah"
So last night I went to the new MisShapes at Don Hill's with Ryan Compton. L-A-M-E!
Holy shit, everyone was 17, drugged out, trying to look cool, and boring. I would randomly rock out to certain songs where I would totally bump into people and dance crazy. Its sad to say this, but the Talking Head in Baltimore is the same idea as that place, but way way cooler. *sigh* The best part of the night was when the doorman randomly let us in for FREE! I didn't ask or anything, and later on I found out the cover is not $5, but $10! Heeeeeeeell No. Too bad I spent $6 on a beer and $2 on coat check. All the MisShapes people are such Larry's too.

I NEED to get a new job for real. My New Years resolution was to become a rich optimist, so I've stopped going to Milk. I'm not working for free anymore... well, I still am at LaChapelle, but whatever. Tomorrow, I'm going to some of the photo studios: Pier 59, Splashlight, etc. to apply. I really hate applying for jobs, but I am starting to get scared! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Luckily I sold one of my prints to Rene at Mimi Ferzt. It is the one of April on fire, and he got a deal! $150 framed. I found a really good print place on 20th street between 5th and 6th ave. Also I am doing another freelance for the Urbanite, the cover for their "What's Next" issue. That's $350 in my pocket, which reminds me, this baby baby needs to send out his invoice. I think the cover has finally gotten to a point where I am happy with it. It has been in many many stages since the beginning.

I DIDN'T GET THE AARON SISKIND GRANT!!!!
Fucking son of a bitches! I am pissed. I will hold down my complaining until I research the winners and judges.

What else? Oh, I'm inspired lately by Bowie circa 1972-79.

2006-01-08T10:17:00.001-05:00

Urbanite "What's Next" Cover

2006-01-08T10:17:00.000-05:00

David Bowie (The Good Years)

2006-01-08T10:16:00.000-05:00

Aaron

2006-01-08T10:14:00.000-05:00

The Knife

2006-01-08T10:12:00.000-05:00

The Knife

Any Other City

2006-01-03T18:54:00.000-05:00

Today was such a difficult day. I wanted to breakdown and just give up every minute of the day.. New York City life is so uneccessarily complicated. Even worse is NYC in the rain. Further worse is NYC in the rain in January. Beyond that NYC in the rain, in January when you don't have an umbrella because the wind gusts blew it to pieces.

Everywhere is so crowded and wet, and dirty, trash litters every step you take, I even created a game where I tried not to step on any puddles or any trash on my way to the David LaChapelle Studio. If I actually took it seriously I would just have to stand in one spot the entire day. People spitting everywhere, cars beeping, and trying to cross four lane roads.

People are so rude, unfriendly, cold, and mean. No one will help you out, or give you personality because they have all just had as bad a day as you. Walking walk walk walk. My legs kill me, I don't have the energy physically or mentally to deal with the trekking around, then mind games of keeping the panic attacks away as I ride the subway. Holy shit. I choose to live in this Hell Hole, and for what? There has to be some city somewhere that would allow me to be a creative photographer while keeping itself clean, and easy to travel through. A city that is not overpriced, where single apartments are larger than a porta-potty. Some magical town that has fun things to do, and cool people. I'm starting to give up. NYC is not for me. I can try and try to pretend, but I don't fit in. I can't afford this town.

Even worse yet while at DLC I got a severe panic attack. I almost died. Luckily running twenty million errands allowed me to leave the studio and ward off the panic attacks for a little while. Oh me, Oh my, what am I doing in this wasteland?

jereMICHAEL!

2006-01-01T02:48:00.000-05:00

Its 2006 Mutha fuckas! Time is flying by as I keep putting off progress with naps. U-mph. I live in a limbo of uncertainty and loneliness, immature in so many ways. My hope is to find financial stability and perhaps even love in the new year. I spent the turn of time in Park Slope Brooklyn at my cousin Nikkis friends house named Meghan. Chris was there too. It was low-key with lots of food and music. Very chill and fun. When I left I made the PATH station EXACTLY when the train arrived! It was amazing. I thought I was going to miss it, but I ran through the closing doors just in the knick of time. It was the BEST way I could ring in this new year!

Work Work

2005-12-18T08:44:00.000-05:00

I need to get a new fucking job. The gallery scene is not for me. Tuesday I'm going to work on cover pages for my resume which I will hand out to every photo studio in NYC. I canno tbelieve I've been working at Milk for as long as I have without getting $$$$$$. What is wrong with me?

All of my savings are almost gone and its quite scary. If worse comes to worse I'll have to sell my soul to a retail job because I don't know where else to work. Last night I went to the Newport Mall and held back the throw up chunks as I purchased $20 gift certificate after $20 gift certificate of money I don't have just so I can fit into society. Also US Color Labs totally fucked me over for the second time on the prints I was creating for Rene. I kind of want to give him the $60 back and just give up on the whole thing. Fuck art and my future. ....yawn

Favorite Words

2005-12-13T08:37:00.000-05:00

Inherent
Chitlins

Hans Memling

2005-12-11T16:49:00.000-05:00

To further my obsession for Renaissance art I decided to take this Sunday to go visit the Frick Collection which is showcasing a Hans Memling retrospective.... What a let down!

Making the trek uptown I reach the building where a line of rich Larry's are waiting at the gates. Most of the people are old, in groups, and I stand there tripod in hand, hoody up. Upon entering I pay $5 and check my stuff where I am ushered into the garden room which is yet another line, but this one way way bigger. I wait and wait and wait and stand and stand and stand for literally an hour and 1/2!!!! What a fucking waste of time. (I kept thinking) I continually attempt to raise my iPod volume so I can drown out the Larry's in front of me and behind me stories of their villas in France and blabbity schmobbity Italy townhouse. Fuckers.

So all the aching waiting is about to come to an end, because I am next in line to enter the exhibit. We are ushered downstairs and what do I see? Two small rooms of Memling portraits. They are interesting, but lack the creative innovation of the Christ panel I wanted to see. It's the one of Chirst in this big rainbow bubble surrounded by Bosch-like chaos and animals. It wasn't even there! The downstairs was also so crowded I couldn't even get to enjoy the work. I kept thinking of Memling as the Picture People of the 1400s.

Last night I watched Girl With A Pearl Earing, and OK movie about the Renaissance painter Vermeer, and was struck by the beautiful lighting, beauty of Scarlet Johannson, and the realistic depiction of the time. My favorite part in the movie is when one of the veteran workers is warning Johannsons character not to get caught up in the world of Vermeer. He simply needs her as a model and not to get wrapped up in his world. Johansson responds, I am just a maid, and always will be. I won't forget my place, I know who I am, a servant. I can relate to that, I kind of feel like entering LaChapelles world I have been let into this lifestyle, I don't belong to and will never achieve. I am used to menial jobs and being treated like shit, and its amazing that we live in a time where you can transcend the economic status you are born into.

Pink Elephant

2005-12-09T23:55:00.000-05:00

Last night was a crazy, fun filled one at a club called Pink Elephant. David flew into town from North Carolina so it was a busy day at the studio where I was running around the city in the cold cold weather. I had to deliver packages, get keys to David's apartment duplicated, go to Davids apartment and arrange all the papers for him, and of course stop at my favorite place in the world Quiznos!!! Paul, Kumi, and I took a cab from the studio to Staley Wise where David's Italian Vogue opening was happening. The place was jam-packed in a claustrophobic, I'm on the PATH train at 2AM sort of way. You couldn't even see the photos unless you got right up to in front of them. Then after the opening a bunch of us headed to a dinner to eat, before heading over to the Pink Elephant where I met up with Olivia. I drank too many Long Islands and other stuff rocking the house. I dropped my camera and dented it, the battery also must of flew out when I dropped it cause its now missing! :( That's $15 right there AND I lost my scarf. FUCK! Oh well, it was open bar and no cover so what am I complaining about? Overall an amazing night. Now that I stop and write, and think about it, I am in awe. I am in New York city, going to a David LaChapelle opening, tlaking to David, and he even remembered my name going to his after party. I also met Amanda Lepore for the first time! (Photo to come soon) If you had asked me 6 months ago when I was living in Baltimore if this day would ever come, I'd have thought you were crazy. Life is strange. Now I just got to start making $$$$$. Photos I found on the Pink Elephant website:

2005-12-09T23:54:00.001-05:00

Pink Elephant: David LaChapelle After Party

2005-12-09T23:54:00.000-05:00

Travis of Heatherette

2005-12-09T23:53:00.003-05:00

Amanda Lepore

2005-12-09T23:53:00.002-05:00

Luca

2005-12-09T23:53:00.001-05:00

Oh Really

2005-12-09T23:53:00.000-05:00

David LaChapelle

2005-12-09T23:52:00.001-05:00

Olivia & Me

2005-12-09T23:52:00.000-05:00

Cupo getting busy

2005-12-09T23:51:00.000-05:00

Olivia & I

ddddddddddddduh

2005-12-09T02:10:00.000-05:00

drunky drunky plast plast
drunky drunky plast
drunky drunky plast plast
i'm drunky drunky plast
drunky drunky rhino plast
i'm drunky drunky polaroid plast
drop top stop lock
battery gone gone
time stop stop
wrinkle rock rock
tip top top
slip slop slop
mashed potatoes
whippity swippity
two minutys
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

New Y(w)ork

2005-12-04T21:44:00.000-05:00

What do I want in life? In this sliver of time I'm allowed to exist?
Money? Love? Success?
Sadness? Heart Ache? Loneliness?
What keeps me from my goals?
Fear? Support? Knowledge?
Tomorrow? Today? Yesterday?
Do I try too hard?
Or not try enough?
Traveling to all these places without stepping a foot.
Hearing everything, seeing nothing. For I've seen it all before.
I've seen it, but not done it.
How to break the boundaries?
Physically, professionally.
Aging. Aching.

What Am I Doing?

2005-12-04T00:43:00.000-05:00

My life is such a mess right now. I finished watching the movie Ghost World with Thora Birch and Scarlet Johannson, and it's lame that I can relate to the directionlessness of the teenage main character. At 24 years old I should have a more concrete foundation, most people my age have the job they will slave at for the rest of their lives, are married, and even have kids.

I'm kind of stuck in this unmotivated slump. There are three primary things in my life:

1.) David LaChapelle internship - I think David is one of the most amazing photographers to ever have existed, and am grateful for being able to seeing him work, and be behind the scenes. Kumi, Matt, and Paul are awesome and I have fun at the studio, but I know there is no chance to move up. I also know that David does most of his shooting in LA where he has a huge studio and tons of employees. So I stay in this internship because I enjoy it, I know it will help my resume, but it also prevents me from taking a full time job.

2.) Milk Studios - It's great to experience the day to day workings of a successful photography studio in NYC and the people I work with are chill and relaxed for the most part. There may be a slight possibility for promotion with Milk but I sort of wouldn't even want to take a fulltime job there if they offered me one. What's wrong with me? I just feel it's not what I want to do, and too many long hours, and I'm afraid of having all the responsibility on me. When am I going to grow up? I'm having trouble settling on something permanent, or even investing myself all in one thing.

3.) Mimi Ferzt - My own personal hell. Why out of all 3 NYC jobs, the one that pays me is the one I hate the most. I need the cash so I have to stay there. I really am thinking of getting ANY job, even retail or catering just so I can leave that place. I'm so miserable every second there... always trying to figure out some menial task to take up the endless slow-motion hours, with the wild-a-beast Virginia on my back 24/ 7 criticizing and nagging. How can one person be so miserable and annoying all the time? She is never normal, always uptight and bossy.

I finished my first real book ever: Crime and Punishment by Dostievsky. It took me 3 months, but I read the whole thing. The ending was a real disappointment, and its a shame because the ending is the most important part!

Sometimes NYC seems so hopeless, I wish there was someone I could ask on how you make it as a photographer. I'm sick of the games and bullshit I am forced to play.

2005-11-14T01:47:00.001-05:00

David LaChapelle NYC: Matt, Kumi, Paul

2005-11-14T01:47:00.000-05:00

Briggs Robinson: Keith Haring

2005-11-14T01:46:00.000-05:00

Larry

2005-11-14T01:45:00.001-05:00

Halloween In Manhattan

2005-11-14T01:45:00.000-05:00

Nikki & Chris

2005-11-14T01:44:00.001-05:00

Sketch For New Series

2005-11-14T01:44:00.000-05:00

& SAVIOR

2005-11-14T01:43:00.001-05:00

LORD

2005-11-14T01:43:00.000-05:00

2005-11-14T01:42:00.002-05:00

2005-11-14T01:42:00.001-05:00

Dark Angel_Olivia

2005-11-14T01:42:00.000-05:00

Seriously

2005-11-14T01:41:00.001-05:00

Mountain Top

2005-11-14T01:41:00.000-05:00

Freaky

2005-11-14T01:40:00.000-05:00

Central Park

2005-11-14T01:39:00.001-05:00

Subway

2005-11-14T01:39:00.000-05:00

The Prize

November 8, 2005

2005-11-08T23:39:00.000-05:00

I just cancelled my Friendster account.
It's the most risky and daring thing I've done in a long time... yes, this is how lame my life has become.
Now I can further focus my obsession on My Space.

HOLY SHIT!
Today I got to see the proofs for the shot David is doing for the Grammy's and it's AMAZING.
He is genius. I was in awe at how perfect and beautiful the imagery is and I can only hope to ever create something in my life half as beautiful as these.

Quizzno's is my favorite restaurant in the world!

I need money!!!!

The Biggest Bitches In The World

2005-11-05T23:54:00.000-05:00

Can I just tell you that the librarians at the Hoboken Park Avenue library are the biggest fucking hoe-bags in the world. EVERYTIME I've gone there they've done nothing but be more than rude to me. Today, I waited on line and there was a new librian there. One I had never seen before. A new wrinkly face. Hope!

As I wait, she is helping a customer in front of me: a blond haired couple with new born blond haired baby. She is being overwhelmingly helpful to them, smiling and answering every question they ask with excess information. I swear, it was like she was being tested to see how much positive customer service she could give. They go to leave and she makes them stay telling them more information about how they have a kids section, and she goes into detail about how to get up there, drawing diagrams, smiling, and then starts asking how old the baby is. In my head, I think, where has this lady been all my life when I've been dealing with super-bitches before.

Finally the couple pry themselves from her helpful hands, and as I step up to the counter the bitch does a 180. Her face becomes blank and cold, even annoyed, She doesn't even make eye-contact with me and pretends to be typing on the computer, I can feel the change in the room. The whore glances at me with a side eye, saying, "Next." like a robot. I say, "Hi how are you." and get no reply. I continue, "I tried to renew this book online, but it didn't work, so I wanted to renew it." She asks in a scolding tone, "Is it maybe because its over due." I respond, "No, it's due today, and I tried to renew it online yesterday. The death-bed wanker then replies, "Let me try." She grabs my card and repeadedly tries to renew it, not telling me what is going on or even looking at me. All I can think as she huffs and puffs is WHAT THE FUCK?! This ogre was practically baking milk and cookies for the people before me, and now she is treating me like I killed her only child. What a fucking evil nanna. Anyway I ask more questions and the bitch is a super-bitch. Fuck all them bitter hoes at that library, they can all go straight to HELL!

2005-11-03T22:45:00.000-05:00

Killing Me Softly

EGON SCHIELE died on Halloween

2005-11-03T22:42:00.000-05:00

Even in the presence of well known men of imposing appearance, Schiele's unusual looks stood out ... He had a tall, slim, supple figure with narrow shoulders, long arms and long-fingered bony hands. His face was sunburned, beardless, and surrounded by long, dark, unruly hair. His broad, angular forehead was furrowed by horizontal lines. The features of his face were usually fixed in an earnest, almost sad expression, as though caused by pains which made him weep inwardly. ... His laconic, aphoristic way of speaking created, in keeping with the way he looked, the impression of an inner nobility that seemed the more convincing because it was obviously natural and in no way feigned.

2005-11-03T22:33:00.000-05:00

2005-11-03T22:32:00.001-05:00

2005-11-03T22:32:00.000-05:00

2005-11-03T22:31:00.000-05:00

2005-11-03T22:29:00.001-05:00

2005-11-03T22:29:00.000-05:00

2005-11-03T22:28:00.001-05:00

2005-11-03T22:28:00.000-05:00

2005-11-03T22:27:00.000-05:00

2005-11-03T21:15:00.001-05:00

FADING

2005-11-03T21:15:00.000-05:00

YOUTH

What has my life become?

2005-11-01T20:24:00.000-05:00

Sitting in the darkness I peer out my window, which has my car parked. The people across the street I know are up to something because they parked RIGHT ontop of the back of my car. If they try ANYTHING I am going to flip my shit.

Can I just tell you how alone and isolated I feel all the time. Not having any financial stability is not helping. Nor is sebhorreic dermatitis. Neither winter.

Today was such a warm Novemer day, in the upper 60s, perfect weather, sunny, not humid. Inspired me to move to LA. Karen had mentioned a pact about in 3 years both of us moving to LA, and amidst the sunny weather the choice was made: Yes. Escape this droll winter negativity for some sun and earthquakes.

What should I do about my jobs? Mimi Fertz is the only one paying me... but I am fucking mopping floors, washing dishes, and CLEANING BATHROOMS. What the fuck. Then I have David Lachapelle, and I enjoy Kumi, Paul, and Matt, but htere is no chance for advancement in New York, and David RARELY is in NYC, yet alone doing shoots. sigh. Finally Milk. Those mother fuckers are getting on my nerves. They are totally taking advantage of this whole intern situation. The whole point of an internship is to "Learn" but at Milk I am learning how big rich companies exploit already starving artists to do manual labor. They really should pay the interns something, anything, $8 an hour. We do all the shit work, and in exchange for what? Free lunch at the Mobile station? Ha! I may quit tomorrow. I need to get serious and make some $$$$. After the Florida trip (if I survive)

The fear of never succeding slowly is taking over my hope and ambition.

Halloween Party

2005-10-30T02:18:00.001-05:00

Tonight was Olivias Halloween party in south Williamsburg. It was a lot of fun, we watched horror movies, ate tons of food, drank, and mingled. I forgot how amazing Nightmare on Elm Street 1 is. Fo' Real. My costume was a saint, and I pullled that shit together on a budget ghetto style. The robe I got for free at Mimi Ferzt, some rich client had donated a suitcase full of gaudy Beverly Hills clothes for hurricane relief back in 93' and Virginia told me to look through it and take what I wanted. The mocassins I got for $2 at Salvation, Halo $1 Salvation, birds $5 Sears, and string $3 Rite Aid. Living on a budget, shooooooooooo. We took pics which will be up in the near future.

2005-10-30T02:18:00.000-05:00

Oh how my future is riding on you Mr. Siskind!!!!

GQ Photo Shoot

2005-10-30T02:10:00.000-05:00

Yesterday at my MILK internship I got to be in a photograph... sort of. This spanish photographer was shooting outside the studio and as I was lugging equipment into one of the studios his assistant came up and asked me if I could help her a second. I thought she meant to move boxes, but it was really to have my shadow in the picture. Mike and I stood on the apple boxes and they created harsh lighting where our shadows were projected surrounding the model. It was so much fun to watch them shoot, my new goal is to be a photo assistant. Standing there we got a break from the bitch work, and Mike told me all the signs of how he knew the model was a coke-head. She kept sniffling and checking her nose in the motorcycle rearview mirror. This is a shitty color copy scans of the polaroid. Hopefully one day I will find the picture in a magazine. Ha!

2005-10-30T02:08:00.001-05:00

GQ Behind the scenes 02

2005-10-30T02:08:00.000-05:00

GQ Behind the scenes 01

2005-10-30T02:07:00.000-05:00

GQ Photo FINAL IMAGE

October 27, 2005

2005-10-28T11:09:00.000-04:00

After my David LaChapelle internship the gallery above us: Briggs Robinson was having a Keith Haring exhibition of his 1982 Coloring Book Drawings. It was really fun and I loaded up on the free Pravda Vodka. Keith Haring's work is so powerful because of how simple and direct the communication is. It is just black marker and paper, no pretentiousness, no years of painting skills, just raw, quick, direct communication that is playful, childish, and amazing. The funny part was during the party I went down to LaChapelle's to take a cheezy pic outside the door and who walked by but a fellow Baltimorian: Sean. I was caught so off-guard and it was so strange to see someone from Baltimore, and I could tell Sean felt the same. He is really cool, and it was so nice to see someone from Baltimore. All the Baltimore/ NYC transplants are in this un-acknowledged click where we all know all the same specific Baltimore things.

After the Haring opening I went to Blink studios on 45th street where my cousin Nikki was. Her and Chris drove down from Rhode Island and were staying with Madelin. Again there was lots of free wine and beer, but I tried to take it easy since the PATH train ride is unbearably long. Nikki's friends were dressed as Smurfs and rockin' out. I stocked up on candy corn and Hershey kisses. Then randomly some girl came over to me and says, "There is a group of girls over here that think your hot, will you come over," Before I can respond she grabs my arm and pulls me over to this girl named Jaime. She was cool, works for Mtv, but it was semi-awkward considering how shy I am. We exchanged numbers and that was the end of the night.

Pictures to be posted soon.

Keith Haring Show

2005-10-28T11:08:00.000-04:00

FINANCIALLY FUCKED

2005-10-26T23:55:00.000-04:00

FINANCIALLY FUCKED
FINANCIALLY FUCKED
FINANCIALLY FUCKED
FINANCIALLY FUCKED
FINANCIALLY FUCKED
FINANCIALLY FUCKED
FINANCIALLY FUCKED
FINANCIALLY FUCKED
FINANCIALLY FUCKED
FINANCIALLY FUCKED
FINANCIALLY FUCKED
FINANCIALLY FUCKED
FINANCIALLY FUCKED
FINANCIALLY FUCKED

Terry Richardson at MILK

2005-10-26T23:51:00.001-04:00

Today Terry Richardson was at MILK shooting the new Kenneth Cole campaign.
I was in the building with him, but found out too late!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So in my disappointment I drew the Abeula Milk logo.

2005-10-26T23:51:00.000-04:00

MILK

Portfolio Drop-Off: INTERVIEW Magazine

2005-10-26T23:41:00.000-04:00

After my diss-down from Village Voice, I brought my portfolio to 535 Broadway, INTERVIEW magazine headquarters. For David LaChapelle I have been to a bunch of magazine headquarters: Flaunt/ America. And have been hit with the reality of a magazine house: dingy warehouse room stuffed full of boxes with a 19 year old intern working in the middle. INTERVIEW was all my prior fantasies of a magazine headquarters personified. I go up the elevator into a room with fancy wooden carved desk, even fancier receptionist, and Andy Warhol Mao screen prints filling the 360 degree wall space. Can I just tell you it was AMAZING. I didn't even care about dropping my portfolio off anymore, I just wanted to stare at the screenprints. Anyway, I fill out the form, small talk with the receptionist (who was temping) and turn to leave. My iPod had previously been on shuffle, while leaving I unpaused it, and there was silence... in between songs. Guess what fucking song happened to play! David Bowie's "Andy Warhol!!!!!" Can you say SUR - FUCKING - REAL. I felt like I was in a movie. The fates aligned.

2005-10-26T23:40:00.000-04:00

FUCK the City Pap--- I mean ---Village Voice!

2005-10-25T22:05:00.000-04:00

David Bowie: Age 26

What the fuck is wrong with people?!

2005-10-25T07:15:00.001-04:00

This shit was on Craigslist today:

Assist a Photographer $10\hr

Reply to: anon-106460942@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-10-25, 12:28AM EDT

I need someone to basically babysit me and make sure I get my work done. Im a photographer and tend to procrastinate. You come over and make sure I do what I need to do. Retouching work, marketing, etc, not work on actual photoshoots. Ill do the work, you just help me stay organized and focused. I can give you a references.
Morning hours only. Approx 9am-11 or so Mon-Fri (Flexible)$10\hr
Tell me about yourself, I dont need a resume. Start immediately. Murray Hill location.

this is in or around 36th \ Madison

HELL

2005-10-25T07:15:00.000-04:00

A cockaroach just crawled across my fucking computer.

Can I Just Tell You

2005-10-24T22:54:00.000-04:00

That when my car alarm lights were going of the other day it was because someone keyed the entire passengers side from front to back. I HATE JERSEY CITY.

October 24, 2005

2005-10-24T22:42:00.000-04:00

I'm in such a bad mood today, and it's raining AGAIN. and water is leaking into my room AGAIN. and my umbrella broke walking home today. Evelyne was in NYC with her mom and sister so I met up with them in the city. Before I found them I was waiting on a busy street corner on 34th street and some indian business man propositioned me. He comes up to me and asks, "Do you know where 33rd street is?" and I could tell by his tone/ look that wasn't the real question. "Ummm..." I look around, thinking we are on 33rd, but we are on 34th. I see the 33rd street sign and obviously point. "That way." Then he looks at me and says, "Is that where the strip shows are?" "I don't know." Is my response and he is all startled and disappointed and hurriedly walks off. I finally meet up with Evelyne, and as we walk through the crowds of people guess who walks right in front of me. The guy. I say nothing.

We went to Central Park and took pictures. It was so much fun. I've been in the NYC area for almost 2 months and in all that time I have not once gone above 34th street. Isn't that weird. It was like a whole new world I'd never seen. I want to live in Manhattan so so so Bad. I wish I was here when realty was cheap in the 80s and bought an apartment or got a rent controlled one. Life would be so much easier. Anyway our goal was to find the Alice In Wonderland statue. After much searching we were guided right to it and finished my roll of film posing on the statue. It was fun. Evelyne is so cool, and chill.

This is NOT Photoshopped

2005-10-24T22:24:00.000-04:00

Heart shaped M&M in my bag

2005-10-22T22:17:00.001-04:00

Can I just tell you... Halloween is the only holiday I take seriously.

2005-10-22T22:17:00.000-04:00

HALLOWEEN!

2005-10-22T22:16:00.000-04:00

HALLOWEEN!!

2005-10-22T22:15:00.000-04:00

Baltimore... How I miss you!

Cockaroach!!!!!!

2005-10-22T22:13:00.000-04:00

The downfall begins...
my biggest fear became a reality when a cockaroach came scuttling out of my oven top today.

Without Warning

2005-10-22T11:13:00.000-04:00

What is wrong with me?!

Downstairs in the basement I start my laundry, cramming as much clothing as possible into the tiny Maytag. I pile and pile and pile, over the center column, up to the lid. "Being Thrifty" I silently mention to myself. I close the lid, walk back upstairs and to the front of the building where my apartment is, close my door and suddenly I hear this horrendous screeching and swirling and banging. It was so LOUD. I run with all my might back into the basement where the washer is heaving and hoeing as if on its last breath. Panic floods my mind and I think all the neighbors have to hear this, and I open the washer. Smoke comes billowing out, and the stench of burnt rubber fills the surounding. I quickly heave my clothes sopping wet out of the washer onto the dryer soaking the whole area. I'm afraid not only did I break the washer, but now I will have no clothes because I shoved them all inside the burning washer. Luckily I ran down in time and my clothes were fine, and the washer still seems to work. Why do I do these things?

The Walk Home

2005-10-22T02:44:00.000-04:00

After leaving my internship at Milk studios tonight, I arrived at a vacant Jersey City at 2AM. The streets were barren with a cold fall chill and I walked along the dimly lit sidewalk. Up ahead about 20 yards I see something scurrying, a big Beige German Shepard. For the past couple years I've had these horrible nightmares where I'm being chased by ravenous dogs. I calmly keep watch on the dog, eyeing for the owner until I realize it's not on a leash, and has no owner. The dog obliviously shifts from side to side swiftly crossing the road sniffing and smelling all the cars. My heart starts to pound as I draw nearer... I cross to the other side of the road. My head races with escape plans... cars to jump on... I'll swing my heavy bookbag at it. Luckily I just walked by and the dog seemed unfazed by my prescence. S C A R Y ispiration.

October 18, 2005

2005-10-19T09:52:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a good day. Went into LaChapelle at 10AM and then had to leave at 4PM to go to Mimi Ferzt for the invite only Makarov opening. Again I was head bitch preparing all the peroshki, eggplant, and cracker spreads. Then Luissa (Makarovs daughter) and I would run the plates of food up and offer them to the richies. Let me sum up my Mimi Ferzt experience thus far: cleaning bathrooms, cleaning shelves, vacuuming, sweeping, washing dishes, and gathering garbage to be thrown away. Yesterday I was responding to Craigslist ads trying to find something else, some other job. This experience has further solidified my disdain for the gallery scene, knowing I never want to work in a gallery. Having a super bitchy, controlling boss doesn't help either.

After the opening was finished we all gathered upstairs with vodka juggs in hand, chilling, drinking and laughing. It was a lot of fun. Makarovs daughters are really cool and taught me how to whistle super-loud with my fingers in mouth. Renee was his crazy flaming self, dancing up a storm. Lydia was her negative paranoid self, this time drunk exchanging prescription pill popping secrets with Joe the intern. Rocky was funny as Hell and I kept yelling at him PEROOSHKI every time I saw him. It was also funny to watch him try to wrap artwork up while drunk!

Trying to keep my good mood as I left the gallery was difficult because the train took forever, and when I returned to JC my car alarm lights were flashing. Who knows how long they were going off... or why. I was pissed and checked all the tires and windows for damage. Shady BASTARDS. mmmgh mmmghh

Sophistication

2005-10-17T07:19:00.000-04:00

At this point all of my photography is unsatisfying. The images lack the technical power of medium format imagery and the subject matter is too over the top. I want to be subtle, beautiful and powerful with my imagery. Since moving to NYC a lot of various influences have lead to my unsatisfaction:

Nikolia Makarov
Whom I worked with all day yesterday at Mimi Ferzt. I got to watch him paint and see how skillful he is. The images he paints are so subtle, blurred, and dreamlike, They are masterful

The music video of Royksopp "What Else Is There" by my new favorite music video director Martin De Thurah also has had an influence.

Then there is my friend Paul whom I intern with at David LaChapelle who uses medium format to create subtle imagery with high detail.

The most difficult part in achieving this goal of techinical mastery, is I need the money to buy equipment good enough. My future as an artist is literally riding on the Aaron Siskind grant I applied for, and if I don't receive it I am going to be crushed... utterly devastasted. *Hope* *Hope* *Hope* *Hope* *Hope* *Hope*

FlashBACK

2005-10-15T22:03:00.000-04:00

Instead of doing things that I need to do, I decided to go on a highschool stalking rampage via My Space. You can really find a lot of people from way-back when on that thing! It's so weird to see how people have changed... and it's frightening how many people are still in Vernon. In my nastolgic stupor I even got out my yearbook to further stalk people whose names I forgot. Ha! I need f r i e n d s.

Video Director: Martin De Thurah

2005-10-15T00:55:00.000-04:00

ROYKSOPP

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